


Actually, Let's Not Talk About Feelings

by Threeley



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bisexuality, F/M, Identity Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-09-16
Updated: 2012-09-16
Packaged: 2017-11-14 08:44:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/513404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Threeley/pseuds/Threeley
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>TT: This is surely a sign of true friendship. We ride together, we have sexuality crises together.<br/>EB: we all need<br/>EB: somebody<br/>EB: to leeeaaan on.<br/>TT: And apparently to worry about how guys are hot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Actually, Let's Not Talk About Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> Ffffhfhhf. I was trying to finish this by... hours ago, but apparently that ain't happening. Written with this prompt: "joint bisexuality crisis," in which john and rose each come to the stunning conclusions that they are bisexual (rather than whatever they identified as before) and proceed to support each other and maybe as a result end up feeling really close and realizing they like each other and getting together and stuff"
> 
> It's late and this is p terrible. There'll be another chapter but I can't figure out how to work multiple chapters right now? Whatever.

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 00:46 --

EB: didn't your mom ever tell you what would happen if you didn't get enough sleep?  
TT: Indeed she did. I am still waiting to turn into a night goblin to this day.  
TT: Well...  
TT: Early morning.  
TT: You know, I could ask you the very same question. Surely the Bogeyman must be on his way to snatch you up.  
EB: the bogeyman is bullshit and we both know it.  
TT: Whereas there is obviously a very real chance that I could transform into a night goblin.  
EB: how do you know you haven't turned into one already?  
TT: An interesting theory! Allow me to test it by looking into a mirror.  
EB: i will wait patiently for the results.  
TT: It appears that I am thoroughly human.  
TT: My sincerest apologies, John. I know how you were hoping to have a night goblin for a best friend.  
EB: i think i will find a way to carry on.  
EB: it's probably for the best. night goblins aren't very elegant.  
TT: Not with that name, they aren't.  
EB: what are you doing up anyways if you aren't transforming into that? this better be awesome, rose lalonde.  
TT: I'm not sure if "awesome" is the best qualifier for my activities at present.  
TT: I'm not even sure I can think of an appropriate qualifier.  
EB: !  
EB: holy shit, stop the presses.  
EB: rose "the thesaurus" lalonde does not know how to describe what she's doing at this very moment.  
EB: you know what this means, though, don't you?  
TT: I'm going to stop you right there. My browsing history remains devoid of lascivious content.  
EB: okay rose, whatever you say.  
TT: You can be a real ass, you know.  
EB: that's really nice rose. i show some concern about what you're doing up so late, and you call me an ass.  
EB: i'm falling into friendship with you all over again.  
TT: John Egbert, ladies and gentlemen.  
EB: :P  
EB: jk i really don't give a damn if you've been googling pretty girls, rose.  
TT: ...  
EB: er, uh...  
EB: sorry.  
TT: Perhaps it's time you stopped talking about what I may or may not be searching.  
TT: And I might start hypothesizing what you may be doing up so late.   
EB: ...  
EB: it's nothing.  
TT: My, but you weren't exactly quick on that response.  
TT: Could it be that I have stumbled upon the scene of something quite scandalous myself?  
EB: bluh, no!  
TT: That exclamation mark seems to tell a different story.  
EB: i'm just doing some research.  
TT: I'm wondering about what could possibly inspire you to research at this time of night, but it must not be anything suspicious.  
TT: So by all means, carry on with your...  
EB: :|  
TT: Research.  
EB: >:|  
EB: and you can carry on with whatever you're doing, which totally isn't just as suspect in any way!  
EB: shape!  
EB: or form!  
TT: Are you all right?  
TT: I'm asking in all seriousness.  
EB: i'm fine.  
EB: you're the one who's been staying up for hours every night this week.  
EB: maybe i'm just worried about you! :O just like i've been saying the whole time.  
TT: I assure you that you have no need to be worried about me.  
TT: At any rate, you already tipped your hand. Clearly whatever is keeping you awake is something personal.  
EB: i could just be rereading problem sleuth.  
TT: Whatever you're getting up to, I won't pry. But if you feel the need to talk, I'll be here.  
EB: okay.  
EB: and that goes for you too, rose!  
TT: I appreciate the sentiment.  
\-- ectoBiologist [EB] is now an idle chum! --  
\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] is now an idle chum! --  
EB: okay what if there was a war between the ghosts and the wizards?  
TT: What?  
EB: let me make this real simple, rose: ghosts vs. wizards. only one can win. who do you pick?  
TT: In my experience, the ghosts and wizards generally form alliances.  
TT: Also, I think you’re well aware of my biases as I am of yours.  
EB: it’s an alternate universe where they don’t, okay?  
TT: I don’t think you’re prepared for this fight, John.  
EB: this isn't a fight, it's just a really awesome hypothetical situation.  
EB: ghosts.  
EB: wizards.  
EB: go.  
TT: Wizards.  
EB: oh hell no ghosts would totally win!  
TT: You see what I mean? Biases.  
EB: but in this hypothetical situation, there is a wizard ghost.  
TT: Shall I assume the wizard ghost has all the powers of wizards and ghosts, or did this character lose all magical abilities?  
EB: let's say that he has all the powers of a wizard and a ghost.  
TT: I'm going to name him Aloysius.  
EB: wow that's such a great name.  
TT: And what would you have called him? Cameron, I suppose?  
EB: don't fucking talk to me about that movie.  
TT: My apologies. Anyways, Aloysius. Would he be more inclined to ally with the wizards or ghosts?  
EB: uh...  
TT: You mean you didn't write an exhaustive history of this character before you dreamed him up?  
EB: oh shut up, miss writer. >:P  
EB: and ummmm... he can be on both sides.  
TT: I see, a double agent.  
EB: yeah, but like he's still a good guy. i dunno. he's snape if snape were nice and didn't kill dumbledore.  
TT: Snape had to kill Dumbledore.  
EB: that doesn't make me okay with it.  
TT: All right then, Aloysius will not kill any paternal magical figures in this increasingly elaborate and confusing tale.  
TT: But the question stands: why is he a double agent to begin with? What would he gain?  
EB: ugh, i dunno. i've lost control of this metaphor.  
EB: you're the one who gave him the doofy name, you figure it out!  
TT: It's a metaphor?  
EB: stop. cease and desist. i refuse to let you psychoanalyze al and the ghost-wizard war.  
TT: Well, that certainly was a reaction that I'm not curious about at all.  
EB: exactly, because you are too concerned about al and his backstory and whatever.  
EB: so carry on.  
TT: Perhaps he feels conflicted because he knows that both the wizards and ghosts have their positive qualities.  
TT: Now that he closely relates to both sides of the conflict, which I'm assuming you have an explanation for, he wants to bring the ghosts and the wizards together. And he's using his standing to effect that effect.  
EB: okay now you're just trying to show off.  
EB: which... i'll admit, you're good at doing.  
TT: Thank you?  
EB: you're welcome?  
TT: You have yet to explain why there is a conflict between the wizards and ghosts.  
EB: i dunno, it was just a dumb idea. it's late, that happens!  
EB: so scratch the whole war. maybe al used to be a wizard but then he died and became a ghost.  
TT: Aloysius.  
EB: yeah, that guy.  
EB: so the wizards have their own nation and the ghosts have their own nation.  
EB: but he's both! so where does he go?  
TT: An interesting quandary.  
EB: yeah.  
TT: One does wonder why he doesn't simply build his home on the border.  
EB: because the two nations are actually islands. you can't live underwater, rose.  
EB: the technology simply is not there yet.  
TT: But he's part wizard. He can use magic.  
EB: he can't use magic, rose. the ocean is magic-proof.  
TT: And obviously a houseboat is not an option.  
EB: no.  
TT: ...  
TT: You're making this needlessly difficult.  
EB: sorry! them's the breaks. he has to choose one or the other.  
TT: God forbid dual residency is a thing in this universe.  
EB: that's right, i absolutely forbid it.  
TT: Is there any particular reason why you're so vehement about this?  
EB: nope.  
TT: Ok.  
TT: I propose that we take an alternative method to looking at this scenario.  
TT: So, John. What would you do if you were a ghost wizard?  
EB: geez. well, you know how i feel about ghosts! ghosts are hella great.  
EB: but then so are wizards?  
EB: i mean, maybe i don’t like them as much as ghosts, but i’ve read enough of your fanfiction to give them a close second in my book!  
TT: You’ve read my fanfiction?  
EB: that’s besides the point!  
EB: bluh. what would you do?  
TT: Hmmmm.  
TT: I confess that I'm similarly at a loss. There is something comforting in retreating to the familiar, especially if it's something that people have come to expect of you -  
TT: That is. If I first called myself a wizard, then people can expect me to ally with the wizards.  
TT: But at the same time, there's no telling where exactly your choices will lead you, especially when you take others' decisions into account.  
TT: Well, unless you're a very specific type of person, I suppose.  
EB: heh, yeah.  
TT: So wouldn't it be for the best to leave yourself open to all possibilities?  
EB: i guess.  
EB: but in the end, you still have to make a choice.  
TT: Hmmmm.  
TT: What brought this on, anyways?  
EB: ugh. nothing.  
TT: Is it somehow related to your mysterious activities from earlier?  
EB: kind of, i guess. i don't know. it's stupid.  
EB: and doesn't even matter that much i think because man there's already a pretty damn good reason to like  
EB: ghosts.  
TT: ...  
TT: I have the distinct feeling that we are not talking about wizards and ghosts anymore.  
TT: John?  
EB: well haha shows what you know because that is 100% what i’m talking about!  
EB: and also  
EB: maybe i’m just wondering why they have to have really nice butts.  
EB: and be awesome in a whole bunch of ways.  
TT: ...Side note.  
TT: Although I appreciate your confidence in me, I can’t help but wonder what is it about me that makes people think that I would be apt to handling these sorts of situations.  
EB: i'm not asking you to handle it! i just wanted to talk about ghosts and wizards.  
TT: Right. "Ghosts" and "wizards".  
EB: stooooop.  
TT: If it's any consolation,  
TT: I understand where you're coming from.  
TT: That is to say, recently I've found myself wondering about more than one gender.  
TT: And if that could be an indicator for anything.  
EB: oh.  
EB: well, um.  
EB: i have too. kinda. a bit.  
TT: This is surely a sign of true friendship. We ride together, we have sexuality crises together.  
EB: we all need  
EB: somebody  
EB: to leeeaaan on.  
TT: And apparently to worry about how guys are hot.  
EB: this is very concerning.  
TT: A part of me wants to say that the only reason this is so concerning is because it is late at night, and dwelling on topics such as this one tends to make things seem like a much bigger deal than they really are.  
TT: After all, people can appreciate other people's qualities without necessarily being attracted to them in any way.  
EB: but then...  
EB: duuuuudes, rose.  
TT: I know, John.  
EB: 8(  
EB: the thing is, though, i think...  
EB: i would, like, date another guy. and do all that stuff.  
EB: even if most of the time, i like girls! so. ugh. i don't know.  
EB: what about you?  
TT: The logical part of me knows that it doesn't matter. That's just how people work.  
TT: And then I worry about what would happen if I did happen to start dating a guy. Am I making an exception, or should I expect similar thoughts in the future?  
TT: And why am I even worrying about this?  
EB: i know what you mean. like i said, this is stupid.  
EB: and feelings are stupid.  
EB: and i'm stupid for having them.  
TT: And still you wonder why I try to psychoanalyze you.  
EB: >:P!  
TT: ;)  
EB: okay doctor lalonde, what is your recommendation?  
TT: In my professional opinion, we are suffering from a very severe case of thinking too much.  
EB: oh man. my cousin had that.  
TT: Thankfully, we caught it just on time. I'm going to prescribe no less than eight hours of sleep.  
TT: Also, I expect to see you in my office at precisely five o'clock.  
TT: (Read: meet me on Pesterchum sometime tomorrow to worry about the alarming degrees of guys' hotness, and relationships concerning them.)  
EB: okay then, i will get this prescription filled asap.  
EB: (talk to you tomorrow.)  
TT: Excellent.  
EB: night, rose! :)  
TT: Goodnight, John.

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 4:13 --


End file.
